Janet Napolitano? Would our former governor and now the director of America's Homeland Security Department have taken our call? It is doubtful, especially since it was 4:00 in the morning.

Besides, its doubtful Homeland Security is set up to handle an emergency such as that which my wife and I encountered last Thursday. It was an attack involving biological warfare, the kind few people are prepared for, especially if they are sleeping soundly.

It was not the first time we have undergone such an attack, but time does have a way of dulling one's memory of how horrible such attacks can be. For the longest time we kept the cat door closed and locked at night. Our kitties either made it in before curfew or had to fend for themselves on the front porch for the remainder of the night. It must have been a couple of years ago that we finally eased up and let the cat door swing open any time of day or night.

One has to wonder if our military, or anyone's military, has anything in its arsenal of gas weaponry that can rival that of a skunk's. Skunks have the ultimate in a biological weapon. There are no defense contractors or lobbyists involved. All skunks have to do is raise their tails and squirt.

As we do not sleep with gas masks, there was no way to protect ourselves from the harsh chemical our striped terrorist released.

It reminded one of the tear gas the state police used in Clifton during the 1984 copper strike riots. However, it was not difficult to eradicate the odor of tear gas with a shower and running clothes twice through the wash cycle.

Skunk gas has incredible staying power, to the point it may be more practical to throw away one's clothing. In our case, it would have to be bedding and pajamas, for it was our bedroom where the terrorist attack occurred.

It started with one sharp bark and then a piercing cry from the dog, which sleeps on the floor at the foot of the bed. It was not the dog that awakened us so much as an ungodly smell that immediately burns the nostrils, throat and eyes. My wife Susan's first reaction was to jump up in bed and scream. I staggered from bed as some sort of commotion occurred involving the dog and the terrorist.

My first reaction was to find some scented air spray and turn on all ceiling fans and the evaporative cooler. None of it made any difference, not even the New Mexico pinon incense, so we ran outside onto our front porch. We were out there for about an hour when I saw the terrorist up close and personal. He was following two cats out through their personal door. We mistakenly thought it had long exited our home.

It was a very big mistake for me to say to Susan, "Uh-oh, look out." Standing well out of harm's way, she jumped onto a bench and let out a bloodcurdling scream. The terrorist lifted its tail and let loose. By a great stroke of luck, a breeze had begun blowing and spared me from the brunt of the spray.

That day and the next I spent doing many loads of laundry, including bedding, and washing walls, rugs and floors. It is amazing what liquid Lysol can do to actually kill odors rather than just masking them. Lacking rubber gloves or the inclination to make a trip to the store, my hands became quite wrinkled over those two days, and my sense of smell has now only begun to return.

Susan carried a reminder of the night's terror with her to work. A colleague remarked that something smelled like a skunk, so she helped Susan deodorize her shoes as much as possible. The dog? She was only visiting and went home with her master, who had her jump in the river several times.

There is nothing on Homeland Security's Web site about how to deal with terrorist biological attacks such as that which we endured. Susan reminds me I have a couple of old high school pals in Congress, one who is now head of the Department of Interior, and we have known Janet personally for many years.

Name dropping? Hardly. It is simply a matter of trying to contact someone who can help other Americans avoid such uncanny and unexpected acts of terrorism. Personally, I am going to try to contact Smokey the Bear. He is someone who should know what in the devil drove a supposedly timid woodland creature to become a home invader and an agent of terror.

Smokey might simply say, "Remember, don't leave any cat food out at night."