Ask Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

My 12 year old son was just diagnosed with severe ADHD. We really don’t want to medicate him because we have seen what those medications can do to children. We don’t want to make him a “zombie,” we just want to help him focus and be able to control his behavior. We are at a loss.

His school no longer wants to deal with him unless he is medicated, and we are having such a hard time managing his behavior. It has gotten to the point that I don’t even like being around my own child. What can we do?

Defeated Mom

Dear Defeated Mom,

I am not a medical doctor, but I have had some experience in dealing with ADHD. Most parents use medication as a very last resort, which is a good thing. Sometimes something as simple as his diet can affect his behavior. Less or no sugar, no processed foods, lots of fruit and vegetables can all improve his attitude and behavior.

Strict scheduling of his day can also help. By doing the same thing at the same time every day will teach him to know what he is supposed to do, and help him focus. Discipline can also help, (No, not physical discipline), but make sure he knows there are consequences to his actions; good or bad.

I can’t really help with the school. Some parents, who are able, opt for homeschooling because it can give their child the one-on-one attention they need to help them focus and learn. If you do not have that option, then open a line of communication with his school and explain your plans and requests to them.

I would think that everyone would do what they can to help a child learn and grow. I hope this helps.

Dear Elizabeth,

I found out a while ago that having a baby will be difficult, if not impossible for me. Well, recently my boyfriend and I got married, and we have talked about babies. Even though we are going to see fertility doctors to try and find a way, we have accepted the fact that this is going to be difficult.

That’s not really my problem though, what drives me crazy is I have two friends and three sisters-in-law who are all expecting, so naturally a lot of people ask me when my husband and I are going to have a baby. I know that most people don’t know about the issues I have, but that question still stings a lot. I don’t know what to say to these people, so I find myself getting snappy and usually they don’t know what to say, so they just walk away.

Is it wrong for me to get bothered by people just assuming that we can easily have a baby? My heart is broken and we desperately want a baby, but the constant barrage of questions really hurt. What can I do?

Desperately seeking a baby

Dear Desperately seeking a baby,

First, congratulations on your recent marriage. I understand that with everyone around you having babies, you want to be happy for them, but still feel that tight twinge of jealousy creeping in, and even though you want to be happy, you can’t find it in yourself to be truly and honestly thrilled.

I get that it can be hard, and luckily you have a husband who is understanding of your plight. Going to a fertility doctor is a good step, but in the event that you are unable to conceive, there are plenty of children in this country that need the loving home, I am sure you and your husband can provide for them.

As for the inconsiderate people who automatically assume that having a baby is easy for you, there is no stopping them. Some people just don’t think before they speak, and you will just have to deal with that. All you have to tell them is that you and your husband are trying and leave it at that.

If they continue to ask rude questions, then by all means, get rude back. It is no one else’s business what goes on in your life. Good luck with the doctors. I would love to hear from you again with the news that a baby (adopted or not) is in your future.

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