Women, did you know that you don’t matter?

We’re not talking about a few hundred years ago, when fathers would barter away their daughters for a few chickens or sheep — or a plow ox for a really good 13- year-old with lots of childbearing years ahead of her.

No, we’re talking about today — you just don’t matter.

If women mattered, would Robert Foster, a candidate for governor in Mississippi, still have his ban on female reporters accompanying him on campaign stops unless the female reporters have a male chaperone? He banned the women because he claimed his moral stance wouldn’t allow him to be alone with a woman other than his wife because that could lead to a “compromise” of his marriage. Which, we guess under his “moral code,” means any time he and a woman are alone together — regardless of who the woman is — they must have sex?

If you did matter, there wouldn’t be nine states — with more coming, we’re sure — trying to tell you what you can and can’t do with your body. Oh, sure, there are no laws telling a man what he can or can’t do with his body, but that’s because men know what to do. Women obviously don’t, so men have to put laws in place telling those darling little female airheads that what they think is right for their individual lives is completely wrong.

If women did matter, a family court judge in New Jersey wouldn’t have gone easy on a 16-year-old boy who raped a girl — recording the rape on his phone and circulating the video among his friends, describing the video as “When your first time having sex was rape” — because the judge decided the boy was “from a good family,” was an Eagle Scout and that pressing charges would have a “devastating effect” on the boy’s life.

Oh, sure, the rape probably had a devastating effect on the 16-year-old girl, but she’s only a female, so it probably didn’t factor in the male judge’s decision- making.

If women did matter, multimillionaire Jeffrey Epstein wouldn’t have had multiple counts of sexual assault and molestation of underage girls — including multiple accusations of forced rape — dropped in favor of a nonprosecution agreement that allowed him to serve barely a year in county jail, a sentence that allowed him to come and go as he pleased so he could work out of his office six days a week, essentially using the jail as a hotel room in which to sleep at night.

Oh, and that plea deal? It changed the status of the underage females sexually assaulted by Epstein from victims to prostitutes, because that’s what Epstein pleaded to — solicitation of a 14-year-old girl for prostitution. Then again, are those girls really “victims” if they’re only female and don’t really matter?

If women mattered, would the president recently record his highest approval rating since assuming office, just days after being accused of raping a woman in 1996? That he’s insanely popular with the far right despite 24 different accusations of sexual misconduct and assaults? That a lawsuit claiming Trump and Epstein raped a woman when she was 13 — a lawsuit the woman withdrew just days before the 2016 election because she said she received multiple threats against her and her family — had no bearing on the election? That he is embraced by Evangelical Christians despite being accused by his first wife that he raped her (later she said she didn’t want the word rape to be “interpreted in a literal or criminal sense” after settling with her former husband)?

See? Despite being 50 percent of the world’s population, and without whom humanity would cease to exist, women just don’t matter. Because all those smart men have said so.

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